Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
