i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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