i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
