I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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