i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
