when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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