Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Green mimosas i think yes
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
