i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
