yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Vodka?
Forever.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
