So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
