Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
