respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i came on her dog
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
