When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
