Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
