There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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