I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
