; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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