In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize