I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
