Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
