If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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