We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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