she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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