So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
