i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
