Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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