k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I yelled at your uterus for you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
