I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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