Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
