i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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