After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
