and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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