I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
