my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
