ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
