I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
