i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
why is half of my head shaved?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
