Those balls look pretty dangerous.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
