Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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