The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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