So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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