Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
