Apparently you make a good broom.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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