Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
