I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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