I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
