I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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