i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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