you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
