her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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