Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize