its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
