I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Vodka?
Forever.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
