Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
