she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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