you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
