How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
