wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I FOUND THE LEGS
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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