When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
