I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish i was in the wii world.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
