i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I stole a fireplace last night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
