literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
should my penis look like a turkey
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
