I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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