with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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