So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
