I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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