A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
