I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
