Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
