I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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