I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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