I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
