if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
